Suck Me Dry
by Stupid Dog
Summary: Alice felt more than alone in a room full of people, alienated by her fellow peers, but when Bella Swan moved to Forks, her life was turned upside down. But what if her popular crush starts to like her back? Alice/Bella F/F A/U OOC CH3 UP "Progressive"
1. Bella Swan

I do not own Twilight etc.

Inspired by Julie Anne Peters' novel Far From Xandu.

A/N: All the characters are human, but I'm going to do my best to still integrate their powers somehow, although it may not be exact. Let me know what you think, BUT, if you are going to flame me, offer an alternative! I hope you enjoy, and all of your reviews are greatly appreciated!

\/Suck Me Dry\/

How awesome would it be to become a vampire? Too drink blood human blood, possess superhuman speed and strength, never need to sleep. I would be beautiful, sexy, able to have anything I'd ever wanted; to have Isabella Swan be my girlfriend (and possibly kill her boyfriend in the process). I was so much better than that sack of shit Mike Newton. I'd treat her like a princess, like she should be treated, not manhandle her in public and slap her ass in the hallway. But Bella was straight. She wouldn't look my way, because I was a freak. Alice Cullen the reject. I was nothing to her.

"Wipe that drool off your chin, Ms. Cullen." A ruler cracked down on the table, millimeters from my nose. I bolted upright. The class laughed, and I could feel my face reddening as I shrunk in my seat as the teacher circled the room back to the board. My eyes searched for Bella, who was sitting just a desk away. Our eyes met briefly. I melted inside.

I'd been hot for her since the first time I saw her. Her gorgeous, shining hair looked so soft, chocolate eyes staring right through me; she was beautiful. The only thing we had in common was our pale skin, which made her look like an angel. I looked more like a corpse that'd somehow dug its way out of Forks' cemetery. But I couldn't help myself; I was drawn to sexy, popular girls I could never have. Jessica Stanley, for example, although Bella didn't seem nearly as cruel or vindictive as her. She left Stanley in the dust.

Of course I wasn't the only one who thought so. Jessica had been after Newton for years, and was finally wearing him down when Bella came into our lives. He'd dropped her like a hot potato. Actually, half the boys in school had dumped their girlfriends as soon as they saw her. She was instantaneously popular, and everyone wanted to be her friend. She had her own little clique on her first day at Forks High. My family (excluding me) were the only people in the whole cafeteria that didn't crowd around the new girl from Phoenix.

I scrambled to catch up on the notes before the bell rang, but only got a quarter of the way through. Several people shoved their way to the door, yelling and laughing while Bella took her sweet time gathering her books and pushing in her chair. She was so polite compared to the others, different and more intelligent. She noticed me staring again, and I hastily crammed papers into my backpack, training my eyes on the zipper. When I looked up again, her back was almost to the hall. My eyes drifted lower, catching a glimpse of her round, perfectly proportioned butt before she disappeared from view. My mouth watered.

She'd noticed my family's little circle of shame across the room during lunch that first day, all us huddled together at the same table, heads down, refusing to acknowledge the rest of the world. I hadn't been able to stop myself before I peeked over to where she sat, watching miserably as Jessica leaned close to whisper in Bella's ear. I didn't have to hear her to know what she was saying, filling Swan in on my family's personal business. I couldn't blame her. Forks was a small town, so it wasn't like anyone had anything better to do other than gossip, and the Cullens were the richest source of it.

I brushed my bangs from my eyes as I rushed to my locker several halls away. I waited patiently as a boy and girl plastered themselves all over it, sucking each other's face off. They made no move to get out of my way, even as I stood there, arms crossed. The tardy bell rang and they finally split. With a sigh, I stepped forward and fiddled with the padlock until it clicked. The little door swung open and I piled text books inside, snagging my jacket from the hooks at the top. Dread made my stomach flop around in my belly.

"What's your excuse?" Mr. Banner sighed from his desk as I pushed the door to his class open, trying to be as quiet as possibly. Every head in the room turned to stare. My face burned.

"I don't have one, sir." I said softly, my voice breaking. A couple people continued to stare, but most went back to what they were doing. He nodded, not even looking up from the paper he was grading.

"Shocking." He muttered. "Go sit down." I scrambled to the back of the room, tripping over my own feet in the process. The tension in my muscles lessened as I plopped down beside Jasper. He pursed his lips at me sympathetically as he passed me my worksheet. I dug around in my pant's pocket for a pencil.

"Here." He said, handing me a pen.

"Thanks." I mumbled, scribbling my name across the top of the worksheet. My hand was still cramping from all the notes I'd taken in my last class.

"Why were you late?" He asked after a few moments. I just shook my head.

"That couple again."

"The two that make out at your locker all the time?" He clarified, eyebrows raising.

"Yeah."

"Do you two have something you want to share with the rest of the class?" Mr. Banner called from the front. My grip on the pen in my hand tightened until my knuckles turned white. I scribbled the last answer at the bottom of the page. We both shook our heads.

"Are you done?" I murmured, reaching for his paper. He nodded, and I picked it up, setting it at the corner of my desk for the teacher to collect.

I slid back in my seat, grinding my teeth as I stretched my aching legs. I wondered what Bella was doing at that moment, what she was thinking about, if that fuck-up Newton was bothering her. It made me sick, the way he touched her, like she was a piece of meat. I felt like a mad dog every time he came near her, plastering himself onto her like he didn't know what the word "space" meant. Even so, I wished I could be him for just a day, an hour, so I could touch, feel her smooth skin under my fingertips. I imagined kissing her on her soft, pink lips. I could only imagine what they tasted like.

The bell rang, and Jasper stood up, shaking my shoulder. I blinked out of my fantasy world and stood up, stacking my chair on top of the desk and following my brother out of the room. I paused, glaring at Mr. Banner over my shoulder. He didn't notice. My shoulders sagged as we made our way out into the parking lot where Emmett was supposed to be bringing the family car around to pick us up. Edward came up from behind, moving to stand by Jasper. A surge of jealousy gripped my stomach as I watched the two of them stare into each other's eyes, sharing something I'd never have. They didn't need to touch to be close. One of the football players drove up and slammed their horn, startling the three of us.

Rosalie made her appearance just as our beat up little car came to a stop in front of us. She jumped in first, taking up the passenger's seat before anyone else had a say. Edward and Jasper climbed into the back seat, and I squeezed in after them. I stared out of the window as their hands linked between them, wishing that I had a girlfriend who would gaze into my eyes in public and hold my hand.

It was silent the whole way home, down the winding road through the trees to the Cullen house. I was the first one out as we pulled into our driveway. I wrenched the front door open and made a beeline for my bedroom, past Esme, who was ambling down the stairs. Her face didn't change, even as our shoulders bumped, like I wasn't there; a normal response, or lack there of. She'd been that way even before Edward came along. I couldn't blame her. She hadn't left the house in well over ten years.

My bed felt good beneath my aching back, and the smell of my sheets were calmingly familiar. It must've been two or three days since I'd last slept, and the idea of just letting go and drifting off was all too tempting. Sitting up, I snatched my CD player off of my bedside table and plugged the earphones into my head, cranking up the volume until it hurt. I snatched a book from between my mattress and the wall, flipping open to a random page and just started reading. Despite my best efforts, my eyelids began to droop, until I was far too comfortable to remember why I was avoiding sleep in the first place.

Before my eyes were even closed, I could see a red coffee mug, sitting in the center of the table, steam rising in silvery wisps. There was angry, yet muted yelling, shadows stirring restlessly, but all I could focus on was the cup. There was a loud thump, and coffee sloshed around, splattering onto the rich, dark wood of the coffee table it was resting on. Without warning, the cup was launched through the air, hot coffee splattering on its thrower and the rest spraying the wall it collided with, the class smashing and showering the surrounding area with shards of painted red glass.

I woke up to a loud bang from downstairs, head pounding to the beat of my pulse, muscles aching and cramped. Yelling and screaming ensued, Emmett's voice ringing out above them all. It felt like my brain was going to explode in my skull. Sitting up, I rubbed my burning eyes with the heel of my hand, licking my try lips. How long had I been asleep? I glanced over at my alarm clock, which read twelve thirty in the morning. I groaned and smoothed my bangs back. Just as I prepared to lie back down, maybe sleep a little more, there was a cry of pain from downstairs, startling me.

Scrambling out of bed, I rushed out of my room to the banister of the staircase. Everyone was gathered in the living room except for me and Esme, who was standing further down the hall, neutrally looking down on the scene below, her expression deader than a corpse. Emmett was yelling his head off, barely restrained by Edward and Carlisle. Jasper stood in front of him, hands on his chest, face calm as he spoke, no doubt trying to calm him down.

Even from where I was standing on the landing, I could see the tendons in his neck straining and the veins in his forehead bulging beneath the skin, sweat making his skin glisten in the dim light. Rose was standing just a couple feet back, arms curled around herself like a child, staring at her feet and pretending he wasn't there. Emmett continued to scream, although he was getting gradually quieter, calming visibly. Whatever Jasper was saying seemed to be working.

I darted down the steps to tend to my sister. I approached carefully, glancing back at Emmett, who in the meantime, had gone completely silent, chest heaving up and down wildly. I reached out and lay a gentle hand on Rose's shoulder. I squeezed softly when she didn't acknowledge me, and her eyes lifted to focus on my face.

"Come on." I said quietly, and led her into the kitchen. I pulled a chair out from the table, and helped her into it. Her face was almost as vacant as Esme's as she began to shake, tears welling up in her eyes. I went to go find her a blanket, but when I came back, the first thing my eyes fell upon was a red coffee mug sitting in the center of the table.

I sort of froze up, a much dreaded sense of déjà vu gripping me. Rosalie was shaking pretty hardly, tears dripping from her chin. She looked up, and her eyes focused on me. Hand darting out, she snatched up the cup, black coffee splashing on her hand and forearm, and lopped it right at my hand. Yelping, I jumped out of the way, a couple bits of glass coming in contact with my skin, a single piece scratching my cheek. Rose continued to stand there, shaking, arms wrapped around herself as she cried. I dropped the quilt to the floor, turned and retreated to my room, shaken.

Wiping blood away from my new cut, I was suddenly reminded of why I hated sleeping so much.


	2. Coffee and TV

I do not own Twilight etc.

A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed chapter one! Reviews keep the updates coming.

\/Suck Me Dry\/

I tried to pay attention, I really did, but she made it impossible. Even the back of her head was beautiful. We were all gathered around the table up front, watching a demonstration, but I couldn't stop staring at her, so close I could smell her perfume, swirling in my nose. I had the strongest urge to just reach out and touch her, brush my fingers over the small of her back where her shirt had ridden up just slightly. She looked so soft and fragile as she stood there, bent over the table, eyes fixed on whatever it was the teacher was working on, her bottom poking out just slightly. I could just barely see the lining of her red thong. I licked my dry lips, flexing my sweaty fingers.

My time was cut short as everyone started to shuffle away, pushing past me and bumping shoulders as I recoiled. I cursed under my breath; I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing. Hoping for some sort of clue, I watched everyone around me, eyes settling on Bella's long, elegant fingers, connected to lovely, slender hands as she selected a sheet of brown construction paper. She turned and caught my eyes, smiled at me just briefly. My heart stuttered in my chest, stomach squishing around as I stiffened.

"My favorite color." She said, wiggling the paper in front of me as she passed. Her right arm brushed mine just slightly. A shiver rippled down my spine and I snatched up a sheet of brown paper. Walking back to my seat, my heart was fluttering like a bird caged behind my breastbone, and I nearly tripped over my own feet. The amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins over something so simple was ridiculous. Pathetic. Maybe she hadn't even been talking to me, maybe it was someone standing behind me.

I could hardly concentrate long enough to start whatever it was I was supposed to be working on. At least I was aware of the time, since I was the first one out of the door when the bell rang. I beat the couple to my locker, digging my books out and racing to class. I made it three minutes early, even before Jasper got there. Class was slow, Banner's voice droning on endlessly. When the bell rang, everyone jumped out of their seats anxiously, stampeding for the door all at once. Halfway to the car, I realized I'd forgotten my trig book in my locker.

"I'll be right back." I called over my shoulder as I dashed back into the building at top speed, darting around people as best I could. I was panting as I reached my locker all the way at the other end of the school, the muscles in my legs burning and my chest aching as I spun the combination lock. Digging out my books, I turned and started to jog back when I heard yelling from the hall further up to my right.

"…the fuck did you think would happen, Bella?" Sobbing greeted the exclamation. Maybe it wasn't the same Bella…

"I'm sorry." A soft, female voice moaned in answer. No mistaking Isabella Swan's voice. My stomach knotted. He had no right to talk her that way.

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it!" Mike yelled furiously, and I flinched as his voice resonated throughout the school, probably the world. There was a crash, and the back of my neck began to tingle. I hurried toward the source and saw Bella leaned against the lockers, balling her eyes out as her books lay scattered across the floor. I wanted to go up to her and tell her it would be ok, that he wasn't worth crying over, maybe even be her hero, but hen I remembered she didn't even know me. How weird would it be to have a complete, very lesbian, stranger come up to you and start ridiculing your douche-bag of a boyfriend?

"Are you ok?" I asked quietly as I moved close enough for her to hear me. She jerked her head up at the sound of my voice.

"What?" She hiccupped. I blushed furiously. Even with tears dripping down her cheeks and snot running down her upper lip, she was breathtakingly gorgeous. I cleared my throat, her chocolate brown eyes making me choke on my words.

"Are you ok?" I repeated. She took a shuddering breath and nodded, even though she obviously wasn't. What a stupid question to ask in the first place. Unsure of what else to do, I sat my stuff down and started gathering her books for her as she wiped at her eyes and nose furiously. I pretended not to notice, realizing she must've been embarrassed to be caught crying. She shouldn't be, not in front of me. I wished I had the guts to tell her that. When she had collected herself, I took a step closer.

"Here." I mumbled, holding out her things. Her eyes raked me, x-rayed me as she took the load from my outstretched arms.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" She whispered, her face dead serious and a little intimidating. A lump formed in my throat and I shook my head vigorously.

"Alice!" I recognized Jasper's voice and jerked around. Quickly picking up my own stuff, I ran down the hall, throwing a glance over my shoulder, our eyes meeting just before I turned the corner. I thought my heart would stop.

"Sorry." I said as I got to Jasper. He raised his eyebrows.

"What took you so long?" He asked. I shrugged and moved ahead of him, his stare heavy on my back. All the way home Emmett nagged me about holding him up, but I wasn't really listening. I kept replaying the few shorts minutes I'd been with Bella, having her look at me, actually see me and talk directly to me. I hated Mike even more than before. I wished he'd spontaneously combust, or burst into flames at that stupid outdoors store his family ran. All the same, I was still curious what their fight had been about. What did he think Bella had done that he deemed worth yelling at her and knocking her books from her hands like a child throwing a tantrum?

At home, I ignored all other activity and tromped up the stairs to my room for some much needed solitude. I built a perfect picture of Bella in my mind, tears sparkling in her eyes as she stared at me, and put it in my mental scrapbook of her while simultaneously coming up with bogus schemes to kill Newton. I bet he'd squeal like a pig when it came down to it. As I thought, hours slipped by, and I started to get a little drowsy. Not about to have another episode of creepy déjà vu, I emerged from my room again, slipped out onto the landing and headed to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Once inside, I wasn't surprised to see a half empty pot already prepared, sugar and cream laid out on the counter. Grabbing a mug from the cupboard, I poured myself a steaming cupful and took a sip. I liked it black.

Heading back through the living room, I came across Edward, who was sitting in front of the TV. He raised his eyes to me when he heard me come in, then patted the cushion beside him. I headed over and sat down, taking another sip. His own coffee was resting on a coaster in front of him as he flicked through our very limited selection of channels. TV had never really held my interest, but I enjoyed my brother's company nonetheless even if we weren't talking. He was one of those people that didn't feel the constant need to fill the silence with pointless conversation. He knew how to just enjoy another person's presence, although no one in our family were really conversational people.

"You seem distracted." He said out of the blue. I blinked in surprise.

"Yeah, so?" I muttered, and he turned his head, green eyes boring into mine, like he was trying to read my mind. His expression turned thoughtful.

"Is it the Swan girl?" I blushed. He smiled, knowing he'd hit it home. His face looked so tired, like everyone's did in the Cullen household. However, his amusement quickly faded. "Be careful around her, Alice. You don't want it to end like it did with Jessica Stanley." I felt anger coil in my stomach, a little defensive even though I knew his intentions were good, but it wasn't like I didn't know already. I looked down at my hands, tugging at my fingers as I held my tongue.

"It won't." I grumbled, trying to keep the venom out. "I'm not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice." He put a hand on my shoulder, trying to convey that he wasn't calling me stupid, maybe comfort me, but I pulled away almost immediately; it was a reflex. He flinched, having forgotten that I didn't like being touched. I got up and left the room. But it would be ok if Bella touched me. She was the only one that I would allow, if that were to ever happen, which it wouldn't.

I flipped on my stereo and turned up the volume, almost hoping I would bother someone, and began pacing. My thoughts stuck to Bella. What would it feel like to have her long, elegant fingers brushing my cheeks, her soft, full lips against mine, kissing me. I wondered what her mouth tasted like, the skin of her neck, her nipples. I swallowed as my mouth grew moist, feeling a little guilty as I started to conjure up much more in depth fantasies. I wondered what it would sound like when she moaned or mumbled words of praise in my ear during sex, her voice thick and sultry. I honestly hated being such a horny teenager, but I couldn't help myself. My hand had become my best friend since she moved to Forks. Who wouldn't fantasize about someone that hot?

I took a gulp of lukewarm coffee, then another, feeling the caffeine take effect. I glanced at my alarm clock every so often, urging the hours to pass so that I could go to school and see her. It was the highlight of my days. I don't know what would've happened to me if she hadn't come along. I'd stayed so depressed after Jessica's painful rejection and the humiliation that followed it. I don't know what I'd been thinking when I told her that I loved her. The looks people had given me when they found out, the things they said to my face or talked about when they were just feet away, had been too much to bear.

The things ridden on my locker had made me sick to my stomach, making me ashamed of who I was. Even though I knew I was lucky, since I hadn't been beat up or suffered any physical abuse at the hands of my peers, I still felt like I'd been drug through raw sewage. I didn't go to the high school for a week afterward, and I made at least six new scars on my forearms as a result, hidden away in my room. The abuse my psyche had endured was far more painful than anything my body could feel.

Around six, I took a shower, scrubbing my short hair and skin until my sensitive flesh turned pink. I wondered if Bella had thought about me any, but doubted it. Why would she? She had more important things to worry about, like her boyfriend, if you could consider him of any importance at all. I dressed in all black, a long sleeve shirt to hide the scars as always. It was a relief that Forks' weather stayed so cold and dreary. I wondered if Bella missed the sunshine back in Phoenix, the warmth of the sun on her skin. I bet she burned easily, like I did.

I got another cup of steaming black coffee before heading out to the car with everyone, climbing into shotgun since I was the first outside. Rosalie complained at me for most of the ride, but I tuned her out, enjoying the much broader view of the forest as it blurred on past. It was nice on the rare occasion I sat up front, because I didn't have her big fat blonde head blocking my view. She started complaining when Jasper and Edward shared a quick kiss before hopping out, heading for the front entrance to Forks' High, shoulder to shoulder. I imagined what it be like to have Bella Swan holding my hand as we went inside the building, what the warmth of her palm would feel like against mine. Just before we'd enter the building, I'd stop her, get on my tippy toes and whisper "I love you" in her ear.


	3. Progressive

I do not own Twilight etc.

A/N: Turns out I didn't get grounded after all. Sorry it's taken so long though, I've had some pretty bad writer's block lately.

\/Suck Me Dry\/

Bella stayed quiet for most of art class. She hardly spoke more than three words to anyone, keeping her head low so that her hair made a dark curtain, hiding her beautiful face from view. I wanted to both hold her in my arms and castrate Newton, all at the same time. Just to get a sneak peak of her face, I walked over to the front table and dug around through the supplies without actually getting anything, studying her face as best I could. Her eyes were shiny looking, like she might cry, her body slumped over like she was drained, hunched in close to herself. My chest ached painfully, and I had to look away. If she was mine, I'd treat her like a Goddess, like girls were supposed to be treated. I'd never make her sad, ever.

I went back to my seat feeling deflated, wishing I had the courage to go to her, hold her in my arms and stroke her hair. I'd tell her it would all be ok, that I would make it better. I packed my things up about ten minutes early, watching Bella as carefully as I could without being obvious. It was almost causing me physical pain to see her so depressed. It made me shifty and uncomfortable in my skin, like I should be able to do something. The bell rang and everyone crammed through the door except for Bella and me. She was on her way to the door when she bumped the teacher's desk with her hip and knocked a pile of papers to the floor.

My legs felt like rubber beneath me as I stumbled over, just standing there like an idiot. Should I help her, or would that be creepy? I knelt down anyway, my knees almost giving out, helped scoop up a few worksheets and set them back of the desk. Those big, brown eyes looked up and caught mine, held me in place. A lump stuck in my throat and my heart sped up. I'd never felt like this near Jessica, never this nervous, or scared. I didn't know why I was getting so worked up over picking up some scrap paper. Maybe it was because I'd talked to her the other day. I felt a little different, a little closer somehow, as weird as that sounds. I reached for the last sheet on the ground just as Bella closed her fingers around one corner, and our knuckles brushed. I jerked my hand back instinctively, bit my lip in regret. We both straightened, and I watched dumbly as she dusted herself off.

"Thanks." She mumbled, glancing at me briefly and then turned to leave. My heart was pounding, and I realized my hands were shaking pretty bad. I exhaled shakily, took a moment to compose myself. I was going to be late anyway, so fuck it. I noticed the teacher giving me a funny look, so I gave her a tight little smile and left.

The crowds in the halls had already thinned out considerably as I made my way to Mr. Banner's room. I made a quick stop by my locker, and just as I was spinning the dial to my combination, the bell rang out through the halls. I grit my teeth at the sound, pulled out my books and slammed the door shut. When I reached the biology room, I turned the knob as slowly as I could, stepping inside tentatively, almost afraid the tiles under my feet would give way with one wrong step. A few heads raised, and to my relief, a sub was sitting behind the teacher's desk. She looked up sharply, her beady little eyes staring right through me.

"Your name?" She asked. I licked my lips as more heads raised.

"Alice Cullen." I said quietly. Her lips pinched together. I got that look a lot when people realized that I wasn't a really short boy, especially from the elderly. Go figure.

"Take a seat." She said, a little bite to her voice. I tucked my lower lip into my mouth and sauntered off to where Jasper was sitting.

"Hey." He whispered out of the corner of his mouth. I nodded in acknowledgement.

"A real bitch we got today, huh?" I whispered. He half-smiled. Class drug on, life continued. Same old boring shit as always. I went home, I hid away in my room, I listened to music, I chugged coffee and went to school again. I waded my way through the class work as best I could, looking forward to art class with Bella so I could continue to swoon in silence. I took my seat at the back of the room, watched as my classmates trickled in one after the other, my heart skipping a beat when I saw Bella enter the room. I ducked my head when she caught me looking, pretending to study a gouge in my desk. The bell rang.

"New seating chart." The teacher said simply, walking to the front of the room. "Everyone stand up." I sunk my teeth into the fleshy inside of my cheek and got to my feet. She went around calling out names and tapping seats.

"Alice Cullen." She said loudly, whacking her pen against the back of a chair near the door. I readjusted the shoulder strap of my backpack and sauntered over. She moved on to the seat beside my. I clenched my jaw, praying to God it wasn't a boy.

"Isabella Swan." I corrected her in my head; Bella, not Isabella. Then my breath caught and my back straightened. I turned my head and little and glanced back to see her walking over, quickly turned back around and stared at the wall as she pulled out the chair beside me and sat down. She shifted in her seat, setting her bag down on the floor and flipping her hair back out of her face, wafting the sweet smell of her skin toward me. My mouth grew wet… and so did other places.

After she was finished seating the rest of the class, she went on to discuss our upcoming project that was due at the end if the week, expressed that no late work would be accepted. I wasn't really listening, trying to look at Bella without really _looking_, which was just as impossible as it sounds. I felt all sweaty and nervous being so close to her, and started to worry about smelling bad. I hadn't showered in a day or two… That was something that was going to change now, though.

The next few days were heaven, even though nothing really happened, but admiring her up close was so different from staring at her from across the room. She had an assortment of different perfumes I assumed, although there was always that unique undertone that had to be unique to her. She had a great sense of fashion, too. Always matching, showing over her perfect curves, but not too much, always tasteful. A miserable weekend passed on by, to which I took a short nap to keep myself going and made an effort to clean up. I went as far as to ask Rosalie to help me, so she gave my hair a little trim and helped me pick out a pair of clothes from my closet with the least amount of holes. I wouldn't tell her why though.

Monday at lunch, I couldn't help but notice that Bella looked significantly better. Happier, brighter. I watched her carefully, trying to think of what might've brought on the change when Mike came up behind her and wrapped her in his arms. I felt sick, unconsciously digging my fingernails into the apple I had been eating. I watched as she pushed his fat ugly head against her neck and "playfully" bit her. I was strongly reminded of a dog chewing on a toy, slobbering all over her. My stomach twisted and I finally managed to tear my eyes away, appetite gone. I let the apple fall to out of my hand and onto my styrofoam tray, and Emmett caught my eyes, studied me a moment then looked away again.

In art I couldn't help but feel deflated. Not like I'd stood a chance with her, but it was childish to wish that she'd stay single forever just so I'd be happy, but still. I wondered if I would feel any better if she were with some other guy. It only took a second to think of an answer; yes. If there was a single boy in this school who could treat her right, treat her like she was supposed to be treated, then it'd be fine. She'd be happy, have what she deserved, but no one, not a single person in Forks, or the world, could give her that. As much as I'd like to think I might be able to, I knew I couldn't. At least I could put forth a good effort, though, better than anything Mike could do. I knew I wasn't good enough for her, but I would try to be. I just sat there and fiddled with my pencil for most of class.

"What're you thinking about so hard?" I blinked back to reality, and big chestnut eyes met mine. I swallowed.

"What?" I choked out.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella repeated, tilting her head just slightly and letting her silky brown hair fall over one shoulder. Did she realize how beautiful she was when she did that?

"Uh, nothing." I mumbled. I couldn't have sounded anymore retarded if I'd tried. I looked away and played with my fingers.

"Sure." She chuckled. I could feel her studying me, her gaze heavy on my skin. I could feel myself blushing. I was practically broadcasting my feelings to her. "So how come you helped me out in the hall yesterday?" She asked finally. I drug my eyes back up to her face, feeling shy, not wanting to look at her for fear she'd see something. What it was I didn't really know.

"Yesterday?" I repeated dimly.

"Well, not yesterday, but last week. When Mike and I were fighting, you stopped by and asked if I was ok. I was just curious why." She said, her tone light. I licked my dry lips, folding my arms tight across my chest. Her attention was what I wanted, so why didn't I want to talk? Because this could totally ruin me, turn into another Jessica situation. What should I say? What wouldn't be too revealing? Should I lie?

"I dunno, I just… did." I clenched my fists underneath my folded arms, clamped then tighter to my chest.

"Oh." She said lightly. When class was out, I was furious with myself. It'd been the perfect opportunity to make conversation with her, be friendly, get to know her, and I'd blew it out of the water. Hell, I blew it off the face of the Earth. I'd acted like a total jerk, if not a little freaky. She probably thought I was some sort of psychotic weirdo now. When I got to biology, I sat there and did nothing.

At home, we actually ate dinner at the table together, everyone gathered around, eating in silence. It wasn't too different from any other night when we took our meals up to our rooms, or in Emmett's case lounged on the sofa. The only difference was that we could actually see each other. It was dead quite other than the quiet chewing noises, Esme as blank and distant as usual when Carlisle finally spoke up to offer her seconds. Unsurprisingly, no response. I was the last to finish, chewing slowly and watching as one by one my family left the table, until I was finally alone in the kitchen. The TV flicked on in the next room and loud voices filled the lower half of the house, bright lights flashing over the wall to the entryway. I pushed what was left of my meal around my plate until it got cold, then dumped it in the trash and retreated back to my room.

About twelve that night I came back downstairs and got a cup of coffee to take back upstairs, sipping delicately so that it didn't burn my tongue. I went along with my usual, boring routine, pacing and listening to music, a sip of java here and there, more pacing, more music and so on. But no matter how bored I got, it always helped me stay awake and transition to the next day. The only other thing I could do was go down stairs and watch TV with Emmett, which wasn't very appealing. No one wanted to be down there during football season.

The drive to school the next morning was both incredibly long and very short, all at the same time, and I was relieved to get out of the car and into the school. I did most of my class work, got sleepy about halfway through and put my head down to stare into the black space my head and arms created between me and the desk. Lunch was pretty much tasteless, but that wasn't unusual. I felt giddy when it was finally time for art class, keeping my eyes down when Newton walked Bella to class. I wanted to talk to her as soon as she sat down, but the teacher cut me off. I twiddled my thumbs nervously, waiting for the old sow to shut up when we were finally left to our own devices. I cleared my throat to get her attention, took a big breath.

"Hey, um, about yesterday, I'm really sorry if I came across as rude or anything…" I spat it out so fast the words ran together. Her eyebrows knitted together and she laughed a little. I blushed so hard my whole face burned.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." I mumbled.

"No, what did you say?" She asked, reaching out and touching my arm. I resisted the urge to pull back, melted at the memory of her soft skin against mine. I stared at the place where she'd touched me.

"I said I'm sorry if I was rude to you yesterday." I said quietly, making an effort to speak more slowly this time around.

"Oh, you didn't." She said with a smile, turned back to her work. I was glad, but couldn't help wander what she thought of my behavior if she didn't find it offensive. I wondered if she knew I liked her. Probably. But that was ok, as long as she wasn't grossed out or anything. She didn't seem to be.


End file.
